Preparing My Heart - Hannah's Story, Part One

I’ve had a great story to share with you for, oh, about 10 months now. I’ve been a bit busy so I’m just now getting the words together. I’ve been keeping track of the details but putting those details in an organized form has been quite a challenge. Most of you know some of the story. Some of you might not know any of it. It goes something like this:

Around early to mid spring our minister announced that there was a lady at a small congregation near ours that was expecting a baby boy. The church was not in a position financially to give her a shower and she needed pretty much everything. Now, I’ll admit that sometimes during the announcements at the end of the worship service my mind wanders a bit. This, however, made me sit up and take notice. It was as if there was no one else in the room and he was speaking directly to me. It was also as if the message was coming straight from God. The minister was just the messenger.

If you’ve read this story you can guess why I felt this way. Yes, I had a room full of baby things. And, they just happened to be boy things. I had a room full of blue that I would never get to use. Immediately I knew in my heart that it was time to clean the room and allow some precious little boy to get some use out of all that blue.

I resisted though. My first thought was, “Seriously, God? Why are you doing this to me?” In my mind, giving those things away was just as good as giving up on my hope of having a child. I had convinced myself that keeping those clothes, toys, diapers and bottles meant that I had faith that God would answer my prayer to have a child. I decided that I just couldn’t do it.

A couple of weeks went by and I tried to push it out of my mind, to “forget” about that need. But, God kept reminding me. Well, God and the church bulletin. I finally realized how very selfish it was for me to hold on to something that someone else needed. So, still a bit hesitant, I said to myself, “OK, if that announcement is in the bulletin again, I’ll do it.” Well, of course it was. Not only was it in the bulletin, it was announced at the next service.

This was so emotionally difficult that I didn’t even mention it to my husband, Tim. I knew that those things in that room weren’t weighing on him like they were me. I also knew that he wouldn’t mind me sharing those things with someone else. After all, most of it was given to us. Someone had blessed us with everything we needed for a new baby boy. Why shouldn’t we “pay it forward?”

Very quietly one day, while Tim was busy with something outside, I went up to the room and hastily shoved things into a garbage bag. I knew that I couldn’t take long in doing it. I couldn’t run my hands over those clothes and imagine that little boy wearing them.

I “snuck” the garbage bag, along with a full diaper bag into the church library. I e-mailed the church secretary to let her know they were there.

A few days later I went into the library to make sure the things had been retrieved.

No one ever said anything to me about giving those things away and I never said anything about it.

Not right then anyway.

I was OK, but still somewhat defeated by the entire process.

Little did I know that God was preparing my heart to receive His perfect answer to my prayer in His perfect time.

To be continued………………


- by Jennifer
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