Adoption Part 2: Exciting and Frustrating

Read part one here.

The date that I got the initial phone call was May 10.  The baby was due mid to late June.  Yikes.  We had six weeks to prepare for something that most people have months to prepare for.  We needed a crib, a car seat, diapers, formula and countless other things that I never even knew existed, much less that I needed.  Thanks to the kindness of friends and family we got most of what we needed pretty quickly and FREE.  We were given or loaned all of the essentials.

We started getting excited.  We only shared this with family at first.  There was a great risk in telling too many people.  We knew that she might not follow through with her decision.  We also wanted the process to be as confidential as possible.  It was so hard to keep this secret.  We were bursting with joy over having a child and so wanted to share it with everyone.  Finally we did share it with our Sunday school class at church and our co-workers.  It didn’t take long for the news to spread and we were overwhelmed at how others were sharing in our joy.

The time we spent on this journey was an emotional roller coaster like I have never experienced before or since.  Most of the time, we were just like any other happy expectant parents.  We made plans, picked out a name, bought a few items we needed.  Other times we felt very frustrated with the process.  We had to deal with the counselor, the attorney, the hospital, and the financial obligations. 

In the midst of all of this we were constantly aware of the problems the birth mother was facing.  She had two other children, but there was no father present for any of them.  Drug and alcohol abuse had been a big part of her life.  Not just personally for her, but several family members as well.  She was unable to care for the two older children and certainly not prepared to take care of a third child.  We were concerned for her and for her entire family.  We hoped that she would see how unselfish it was for her to choose adoption for her baby.  I wrote her a letter, one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, and thanked her for giving us this opportunity and assured her that her baby would be loved and cared for, not just by us, but by our friends and families as well.

Initially we never planned to speak directly with her.  We communicated through the counselors and attorneys and in writing.  However, she requested a phone conversation.  It took place in the counselor’s office.  She was put on a speaker phone and we had a short conversation with her.  Hearing her voice was a very emotional thing for me.  Knowing what she was giving up and what I would be gaining because of her sacrifice was quite sobering.

As the weeks went on we hoped and prayed and prepared as much as you can prepare in such an uncertain situation.  She requested a second phone call and at that time we felt really good about our decision and about her decision.

To be continued…

Adoption Part 1: The Beginning of the Journey

This time of year is always bittersweet for me.  I love the newness of spring and the warmth of the sun.  However, I will forever associate this time of year with a difficult experience in my life. Three years ago my husband and I tried to adopt a baby. 

It happened on an early spring day.  It was a Thursday.  I was at my desk at work when I received the phone call.  There was a young mother expecting a baby.  For various reasons she was considering adoption.  Would we be interested?  Since we had not been seeking adoption and had never discussed adoption this came as quite a surprise.  My immediate reaction was, “of course we’re interested.”  But, I knew that I had to speak with my husband first.  At the time I was involved in something at my church that kept me away from home until later that night.  I knew this wasn’t a conversation to be had over the phone so I anxiously awaited the end of my day so that I could speak with my husband.

While he is naturally a bit more cautious than I and had some doubts, we discussed it and decided we wanted to know more.  It’s not every day that someone calls and wants to give you a baby.  Again, we had to exercise extreme patience by waiting until the following Tuesday until we could get some details.

We walked into the meeting filled with questions about the situation and the process.  We had absolutely no idea what we were getting into or really if we even wanted to proceed.  Sure, we would love to have a child, but never thought this would be the route we would take.  After the meeting, while we had some pertinent info, we were still filled with questions and concerns.  I remember, though, that we went to dinner after our meeting and we sat there and both said, “How can we know what we know about this child and NOT do this?”  From that point on, we still had questions along the way, but we never doubted the decision to take this child into our home and raise him or her as our child.

That day we embarked upon a journey that changed us forever. 

To be continued….

Christian Diseases (Part 2)

Spiritual Diseases (Part 2)

Ever been diagnosed with any of these? Take honest inventory…not to hurt from it, but to heal. It’s amazing how the Holy Spirit can convict you (in this case, me) in such a way that not only ministers to others, but to yourself as well.

Thin Skin Infection

Symptoms: Everything hurts her feelings. She’s easily offended and often holds silent grudges against others.

Results: People are uncomfortable talking to her...you never know what her reaction

will be, lacks close relationships, can be moody

Treatment:

•  Eliminate insecurities by lovingly talking to people to make sure you understand them
•  Learn to overlook minor nuisances, nobody’s perfect
• Decide to forgive others no matter what it takes

Put up with each other. Forgive the things you are holding against one another. Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Self-Centered Syndrome

Symptoms: She can be a bit bratty. She always wants everything to go her way. She lacks flexibility in many areas and has a tendency to be bossy.

Results: Tends to be less involved in church activities when she’s not in charge, runs off

genuine workers who just want to serve, brings down working morale of group project participants

Treatment:

• Practice being a team player, but letting others lead the committee
• Train others to take on your traditional tasks
• Pray to have a more humble heart
• Set a weekly goal to do something for someone else and look for nothing in return

An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment. Proverbs 18:1

Humility Dysfunction

Symptoms: She can be very “puffed-up” at times. She thinks she knows “everything.” She rarely takes advice and feels she knows the bible better than anyone.

Results: Others find it difficult to talk to her, she’s perceived as being “fake,” lacks meaningful friendships

Treatment:

• Continue to study the bible and realize even Paul struggled (Romans 7:18-21)
• Put others before yourself by giving your time to those less fortunate...volunteer at a homeless shelter or give your designer clothes to the needy
• Practice giving compliments to others
• Welcome constructive criticism with sincerity

Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverbs 26:12

What Are You Trying to Prove?

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I were returning from spending the weekend at our church’s women’s retreat. It was an encouraging and uplifting time, but also an emotional one. See, we looked deeply at ourselves and at some things that we might need to change. My friend and I are quite different, but we share a similar struggle. On our way home, we were discussing the differences and similarities of our struggle. She is very outgoing, sometimes to the point that she feels she says too much. Or, she says the wrong things. I, on the other hand, am very quiet in most situations. I don’t say enough or share enough of myself with others. Though we are on the opposite ends of that spectrum we share the same feelings of inadequacy that come when we measure ourselves by the wrong standard. She said, “It’s hard to be yourself and try to prove yourself at the same time.” I knew exactly what she meant the minute she said it. I feel the same way. If I’m really my true self, if I show people the real me, what will they think? If I bear my soul to those that (I assume) have it all together and they find out that I don’t have it all together, how will they react?

My response to my friend, was, “I think that’s the problem. We are trying to prove something.” What are we trying to prove and to whom are we trying to prove it? I think a lot of women feel this way to some degree at different points in their lives. We value ourselves by our weight, our clothes, our hair, our homes, our jobs, our kids, our bank accounts, and on and on…….. We compare ourselves to others. In some cases we compare ourselves to those we think are less attractive, righteous, or successful in order to elevate our status in our own eyes. At other times we compare ourselves to those we think are more attractive, righteous or successful and we end up feeling ugly, guilty and flawed. Neither comparison is accurate or healthy. Our true measure of ourselves should come from God’s Word and His standards, not our own.


God tells us that we are created in His image (Genesis 1:27). How then could we possibly be ugly or flawed? We, in our sin and imperfection, are so valuable to God that He gave His Son to die for us. Other people around us may look at us and judge us by our outward appearance, but God looks at our hearts (I Samuel 16:7). We have nothing to “prove” to Him. Psalm 139 tells us that He knew everything about us before we were born. He knows the number of hairs on our heads. He even knows our thoughts before we think them. And yet, He still values us enough that He sacrificed His Son for us.


The human part of me will always struggle with self-image issues. However, the divine nature that I possess through Him continually reminds me that my true self-worth comes from who I am in Him, not who I am in this world. I will never measure up to the standards of this world. But by His standards I am holy and blameless (Ephesians 1:4).


I’d much rather have that than a perfect home, beautiful body or hefty bank account.


Are you trying to prove something?

At All Times

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
Prov 17:17

This is a verse that I got to experience last weekend while I was at our church’s ladies retreat. I was looking forward to hearing all the wonderful speakers and being challenged and bonding with other Christian women. Friday night started out great; but, before dawn on Saturday I was running to the bathroom.

The dreaded stomach flu struck. My Christian sisters brought water and Sprite to my hearts content, prayed for me, visited even during the thunder storm, called my hubby (who happened to be in the same predicament) to check on him and the children, packed my belongings, took me home, stocked the refrigerator with fluids, fed my children, spent the night, called in the morning, brought lunch the next day. Even a brother stopped by with a bag of juice and a bag of fruit because he noticed that we weren‘t in the worship assembly and thought we might be in need. In essence, when we were completely helpless, they thoroughly cared for us. When I spoke to one of the women who had done so much for me, she simply said, “That’s just what family does.” Words cannot express how thankful I am for what Kim, Sandy, Kenya, Denise, Brian, and others did for our family. Thank you for your care. I am so grateful to be a part of the body of Christ.