Willful Sins

Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
Psalm 19:13

Recently as I was reading Psalm 19 the phrase “willful sins” in verse 13 caught my eye. Actually it stopped me in my tracks. Willful sins. Deliberate sins. Intentional sins.

I wonder how many times I have willfully sinned this week. This month? This year? How many times, like a defiant child stares into the face of her father and says, "I don’t want to share my toys today," have I looked into the face of my Savior and said, "I don’t want to be nice to my neighbor today?" How many times have I said, "No, God. I’m going to do things my way this time. I know it’s wrong but I’m going to do it anyway?" How many times have I stomped my feet and said, "No. Not today. Not this time. Being forgiving just isn’t working for me today?"

Sadly I’ve had moments like this in my life. Haven’t you? Hopefully, though, as I am changed by His Word and His Spirit, those moments will come less frequently. Through prayer and study of His Word, I am changed and my willful attitude can become a willing and obedient heart.

Thankfully I have a Father who understands my weakness and provides the strength I need in order to be obedient to Him. Just like the father that lovingly disciplines his defiant daughter and forgives her, God lovingly forgives me and brings me back to His will and continues to transform me into the obedient child he wants me to be.

Are you willful or willing?

February Financial Fast

In conversation a few nights ago, my dear Yvonne mentioned she had a friend who, last year, took the month of February and did not spend anything. When I talked to my husband about it later that night, he loved the idea, and it looks like we may give it a go. We're still hammering out the ground rules, but here is what we have so far:

1. Shopping for groceries or anything else, in the stores or online is completely out. Our pantry and freezer are full to bursting and we really don't NEED anything right now.

2. No dining out, getting take out, or grabbing a soda when getting gas. No movie rentals. No gifts unless they are homemade from what we already have.

3. Necessary school supplies and field trips for our daughter are exempt.

4. Standard bills and gas in the cars are exempt but driving should be kept to a minimum.

5. Church contribution is, of course, exempt.

6. Previously scheduled medical and dental visits as well as any prescription medications are exempt.


So, that's it. We'll have one last grocery trip on the 31st to get milk and bread, but then we're done. We are doing this prayerfully and with the purpose of being better stewards of our blessings. I hope to learn a lot from it and I hope to share along the way so that you may learn, too.

A Luckless Life

Recently, I've been trying to remove the word “luck” from my vocabulary. I am not “lucky” – I am BLESSED. The events in my life are not random happenstance, but are loving gifts of my heavenly Father and all he does to guide, guard and care for me.

Upon closer inspection, the seemingly innocuous concept of luck is a very non-Christian way of viewing the events in our lives. Ancient Romans worshiped luck in the form of the goddess Fortuna (and the Greeks had Tyche) from which we now get our word for fortune or fortunate. Luck can be good or bad and puts us at the mercy of an unknown force acting upon us in a way that is both inconsiderate of our lives and inconsequential of anything we may or may not do.

Blessings, however, are a very different concept from that of luck. God is the supreme ruler of this world and has all things in His control. One of my very favorite Bible verses is Romans 8:28 (TNIV) “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” and later, in verse 31, “...If God is for us, who can be against us?”. How then are we to believe that anything happens to us randomly? Even what may not seem a blessing now, may be one later when time and retrospect allow you to see your growth as a Christian. God has a plan for us and compels us by the events in our lives to be His children and follow the path He has laid out for us.

If God in Heaven is my Father, then I am His daughter. Who among us would allow randomness to lead our children? Who would set their child on a path that leads to nowhere? So much more so is our Lord. (Matthew 7:9 - 11) He is the God of everything and He makes every day a blessing for me.

Someone's Watching Me

It's not that I didn't realize others mattered on my race to heaven, it's just that usually I'm so focused on how I'm going to get there that I forget that Christianity is a team sport.

Now don't get me wrong, we all have to do our part (I guess it's more like a relay race...Philippians 2:12-16), but God is pleased to see his children working and growing together.

I recently received two very encouraging notes from two younger sisters in Christ. They weren't long profound letters or phone calls, but the impact was enormous! One came in the form of a text message. It simply said, "Hey Kenya! I wanted to send you a few words and let you know that I love you and appreciate your example as a Christian woman!"

"Wow, where did that compliment come from? What did I do?" I thought. I thanked God for her that moment...she had truly made my day. The second sweet encouragement came in the form of a Facebook status (maybe you didn't realize how encouraging Facebook can be). My sister simply mentioned several ladies in her status that she was blessed to know through their spiritual marriages. (another humbling compliment)

This message isn't really about compliments at all (although they are very nice). This message is more about the fact that your sisters in Christ are watching you.(Unfortunately, this means they notice the good and the bad.) They are noticing the things you say. They are noticing the church events you attend. They are watching the way you interact with your husband and your children. You are someone's big sister and maybe you never even realized it.

What I Learned, or Re-Learned, This Week

1. Take care of your teeth - dental repairs are painful and expensive.

2. I can make (and am making) this shawl.

3. If you tape a poster to the wall and it falls and you put back and it falls again and this repeats every day for a week, it is no longer the tape's fault. It's yours. Go find the thumbtacks.

4. An evening with the girls can completely rejuvenate.

5. Coupons are great, but sometimes the best way to save money is just to stay home.

Homeschooling with God in the Driver's Seat

As a mother who teaches her young children at home, the most frequent question I am asked is "What are you gonna do about teaching chemistry?" Admittedly, chemistry is not the only subject that people are concerned about, sometimes it’s also physics, foreign language, calculus, or biology. Homeschooling is now popular enough that most people know a neighbor, distant relative, or someone who teaches their children at home, but they certainly do not understand what goes on inside their home and how these kids are actually learning. The majority of those who want to know how home schooling moms plan to teach high school fall into three categories.

The first of these categories is The Spectator. Those who ask this question about home schooling remember the difficulties of being in real school with professional teachers. They know that it was hard enough to keep up with these subjects as a student. What they are really asking is “How could a regular mom possibly have enough mastery of the material to competently teach the high school subjects?” Commonly, good mothers will admit to each other that trying to help their gifted second grader with homework can be a challenge. It’s impossible to comprehend families who take the entirety of their children's education into their own hands. Indeed, the home schooling family can be an intriguing mystery. For many, home school families provide the same curiosity as sideshow exhibits at the state fair. To these people the question of how to teach an upper level subject is as important as paying their fair ticket and stepping into the tent to find the answer to this strange phenomenon. It’s a wonder. It’s a relief to know. But, when they exit the tent the show is over, their curiosity satisfied, and their life goes on as usual. Truthfully, it didn’t matter if their questions were ever answered because they weren't affected.

Others ask because they are affronted that one might try educating their children outside of the professional teaching industry’s realm. Likely, they are a proud teacher. They’ve spent a lot of money on a college education to earn a degree that has trained them in their occupation as a teacher. They’ve spent so much time and put immense effort into their work. It’s only natural that they will not comprehend how a plain untrained mom with a will could do it. Asking "What are you gonna do about chemistry?" is the polite way of asking, "What makes you think that you can teach your child successfully?" It implies that "Even if you have a teaching degree, surely you aren’t qualified to teach all of the subjects necessary for a good education." Their question is rhetorical. Firstly, they know how much devotion they put into their own classes for their student’s sake. It is a lot of work. And they only teach one class! Which leads me to my second point, teachers are aware that they are not qualified to teach every subject a student would need for graduation. They confess that no teacher could do it all. Their question is meant to take the wind out of our sails before we‘ve gone too far. It’s a question of discouragement - one to sober us to the task ahead, which is mostly posed to the parents of elementary students and those rather new to home schooling. Perhaps they are kindly trying to spare us because they don’t think we’ve counted the cost. I call this second group The Affronted. Homeschoolers bother them because they think our decision to home school is one of judgment on them or lack of concern about our children‘s welfare. They don’t yet know that teaching my children at home is a matter of faith.

Some ask because they are considering home schooling and are trying to find answers about how it all works. Usually, I vary my reply depending on the audience. Presently, I address this response to a Christian audience. It is this third and last category of people who ask "What are you gonna do about teaching chemistry?" that I call The Innocent. They really want to know because they are curious as to whether they too can do it. They are interested in your formula for success. To lay the foundation of this response you must know that I have an intimate relationship with the Creator. He made the universe. He made me. When I was wicked and His enemy He died so that we could have a relationship. He has proven His faithfulness. For me, the decision to home school is a constant exercise of faith. I am teaching my children at home in order to glorify Him. It is not easy. I am not faultless. I am naturally lazy, impatient, and selfish. However, God calls me to be more like Him and promises to help me make the transition. By spending my life with my children, I have abundant opportunities to exercise patience, compassion, selflessness, gentleness, and we could go on indefinitely with the list of attributes that I am given the chance to cultivate. Whether I take them or miss them, the opportunities to grow in spirit that come from the decision to take my role as parent into the educational realm are endless.

When the Christian mom who has decided to home school has her oldest in kindergarten and is asking "What about chemistry?" What she wants to know is "Will God abandon our family when we reach high school?" So now I ask "What?!?!?" Why would He do that? Is it too hard for Him? He knows more about that subject and every other than anybody! Oh, I know, He’s so tired of me utterly relying on Him that He will simply refuse to provide a way. Perhaps I’ve used up my favors and now I’m going to have to go it alone. Do we see the absurdity of the question?

It is God’s desire that we become as dependant on His provision as little children. Since He’s promised to take care of our needs, our obligation is to seek Him first. It is our duty to walk by faith depending on Him. Abraham is an example of faithfulness that pleases God. He was obedient to God’s command to sacrifice his son. Yet Abraham believed God would fulfill His promise to build a great nation through Isaac. How could a dead son be the father of a great nation? Abraham speculated on how God would fulfill His promise; however, it was only when Isaac was tied down on top of the altar and the dagger drawn that God provided a way. Don’t draw your daggers yet. We aren’t asked to sacrifice our children. Just to trust them and ourselves in God’s hands. When we stay awake at night worrying about how to teach chemistry to our children when the oldest is yet seven are we really walking by faith? It’s not wrong to speculate on how God will provide. Abraham did, but his focus was not on fixing the problem. It was on obedience which God credited as faith. It’s not walking by faith if we fret because we can’t see every step of the entire path of our children’s 13-year education. We, like Abraham, need to have confidence in God’s provision.

Beloved, before we close let me propose one last thought. Above our children learning chemistry, it may be that the greatest lesson is for us to live by faith. When someone asks you the question next, do not give the glory to the plethora of aides that are available such as DVD’s, co-ops, satellite schools, special classes, and tutors. Give the glory to God and say, "I dunno yet how I’ll teach chemistry, but I am confident that God will provide for all of our needs."

What I Learned, or Re-Learned, This Week

I have been knitting incorrectly for years, but it doesn't matter because the result is the same.

Some of our best school lessons can happen when my daughter climbs in bed with me in the morning and we just talk.

Sometimes I need to let go and let my child be herself and trust that she will act appropriately.

Chocolate fondue is amazing.

My husband is a much better driver than I give him credit for.

No matter how comfortable a hotel bed it, there is nothing like being at home in your own bed.

The best of plans can be completely sidelined by something as simple as rain.

Just because someone else likes a particular tourist attraction, doesn't mean you and your family will as well.

FDR died at his “Little White House” in Georgia.

The occasional nap is a wondrous thing.

I absolutely love taking pictures with my new camera.

My God loves me! (Yes, I already knew this, but I love it when He reminds me.)

Dirty Hidden Places

Even after years of cleaning house, I'm amazed at how often I still find new little hidden places that need lots of cleaning attention. Today, as I mopped my kitchen floor, I noticed nasty little splats of dried milk at the bottom of the kitchen table's legs. "Eww, gross!" I thought to myself. "How long has that mess been there?"

It's funny because I stood there alone and a little embarrassed at my dirty little oversight, so I quickly started finding cleaning products to get the spots clean.

I find that my spiritual "kitchen" can be the exact same way. I try my best weekly to keep myself clean with routine processes like faithful church attendance, bible study, and prayer, but sometimes I find little hidden places in my Christianity that are dirty with old, dried stains.

Yesterday's stain was self-pity. Sometimes when I'm down, I justify my feelings by the actions of others. I can find a reason to be offended by any little thing. Being overlooked for an invitation to someone's party. Someone deciding, without notification, to not attend an event I invited them to. Any little reason will do. I often expect that others should act and react in the same ways that I do. I know this is completely wrong and un-Christian-like behavior, yet I allowed those sinful stains to dry up and make a mess of my Christian display.

A friend once told me, "Avoid self-pity. It is an aggressive enemy that will keep you from your destiny."

I know that I should heed Paul's advice to the Phillippians to always "think on good things." (Philippians 4:8) If I'd stop allowing myself to be so easily offended, I'd be a much happier individual and reap the benefits of counting everything joy.

My sister Lana always reminds me to ask God to create in me a clean heart (Psalms 51:10). And that's exactly my prayer for today.

A Little Help From My Friends

The way I see it is that there are a LOT of women - good, Christian, out-there-trying-to-make-a-difference women who, at the end of the day, are wiped out and exhausted and feeling, for lack of a better word, alone. (Though the mothers among them will tell you: to be truly alone is a rarity.)

I feel like we often forget that through our amazing Father, we are SISTERS. When I think about the way I am able to talk to my own sister and the honest way my guard is completely down, I wonder why I am not that way with my Christian sisters. Why do I hold back or feel shy or self-conscious?

It is, with this in mind, that this blog has come to be. A few of my sisters and I want to delve into our lives and share and invite you to share with us, as well.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 says there is "nothing new under the sun". I feel that any challenge I may face, some other wife and mother has been there before me. Perhaps she can offer her support or advice or even just her ear and maybe I can do the same for someone else.

My hope is that we can take the modern technologies available to us and form stronger bonds with one another and also to our Lord. While achieving the near perfection of the woman in Proverbs 31 may be impossible, I think we may all get a little closer if we have one another to lean on along the way.

Our Inspiration

Proverbs 31:10 - 31

10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all."
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.