Classic Cars, Serving Dishes and Talents

Last week when I was working out I overheard the following conversation between two guys that were in
the gym.

Guy #1 – “Hey is that your mustang out there in the parking lot?”
Guy #2 – “Yes.” He went on to tell the model and other details about the car that really meant nothing to
me due to my lack of knowledge of (or interest in) classic cars.
Guy #1 – “That’s a great car. Do you drive it often?”
Guy #2 – “No. It’s only got 44,000 miles on it. I usually keep it in the garage. My son’s car is in the shop
so he had to drive another one of our cars.”
Guy #1 – “You wouldn’t let him drive that one?”
Guy #2 – “No way. I’m not letting him drive it. I can’t wait to get it back home in the garage and put the
cover back on it.”

What? Put it back in the garage and put the cover back on it? Seriously? Apparently, to the trained
eye, this is a really nice car. Yet, he wants to keep it covered up in his garage. Why have it at all?
OK, I totally get why he does that. I’m not very schooled in cars, but I do work at a Convention Center
and we have an annual car show. I’ve seen these people before. They spend hours with a bottle of
Windex on a car that has never seen the light of day. Most of the cars are driven out of a trailer when
they arrive at the exhibit hall. The owners have this wonderful treasure that they are proud of and they
kind of want to show it off, but don’t you dare touch it. And, please don’t let it rain (or snow..the show is
always in January) before, during or after the show.

Of course, when I heard this conversation, I immediately thought of the parable of the talents and
the “one talent man.” He certainly took good care of his talent. He didn’t squander it or use it frivolously.
Surely he had good intentions. The Bible tells us that he was afraid so he hid it in the ground. He didn’t
want to lose what he’d been entrusted with. However, the other two servants did the exact opposite.
They put their money to work and doubled it. As a result they were entrusted with even more. If you’ve
read this account in the Bible you know what happened to the “one talent man.” His plan for holding onto
that one talent was not a good one.

I can relate somewhat to “Guy #2” and even the “one talent man.” I have a beautiful glass serving
dish that belonged to my great-grandmother. It probably doesn’t have any real monetary value, but
to me it has great sentimental value. I rarely use it because I don’t want it to get broken. It sits on my
kitchen counter most of the time, just holding potatoes or onions. I’m hesitant to take it to a church
potluck or even a family get together. It’s special to me because it represents a connection to a special
person in my family. I’m afraid that using it will ruin it. I wonder what my great-grandmother would
think about that. Would she be sad or disappointed because I haven’t really enjoyed the serving dish?

What about God? How does He feel when he sees us burying our “talents?” He’s given us each unique
personalities, skills, abilities, interests and desires. If we focus on these and channel them in the right
direction we can do amazing things for His Kingdom. However, when we ignore the gifts He has given us
we are just like the “one talent man.” If we don’t use what we’ve been given we can’t grow.
Not only will we not grow, but like the “one talent man” we are risking our eternal salvation by not obeying
God and using what he’s given us.

How are you using your “talents"?

Matthew 25:14-30

Good Works

While my daughters and I were reading Titus the other day, we couldn’t help but notice how often Paul referred to good works. The phrase that really stuck was “be ready for every good work.” What does that mean? How can I? Don’t good works usually present themselves when you’re already in the middle of chaos? Since it takes all of my effort just to maintain the status quo, can I really plan for good works? I will admit that I am not quick to make connections. All day I meditated on that verse to try to figure out how that concept is applied. That evening while talking with my hubby I found myself answering my own question.

To be ready for every good work involves skill. What I am able to do, prepares me to serve. If I am able to cook, then I can serve by bringing food to elderly or sick people. If I am able to drive, then many needs could be met through driving. My home could be a place of providing fellowship through hospitality. Since any skill can be used to the glory of God, it is worthwhile to cultivate skills so that I can be “ready.” Some people buy or make cards of sympathy or encouragement in bulk so that they will be ready. Some stock up on homemade frozen meals or always keep ingredients in the pantry so that they may be prepared to host out-of-town Sunday visitors. Fasting and prayer on behalf of someone is not only a great service to them, but service to God. Smiling, saying a kind word, or simply holding your tongue when you don’t feel like it can also be good works. Certainly, older women teaching younger women to love their husbands and children, is a good work.

Attitude is integral to being “ready for every good work.” It involves willingness and selflessness. To be sure, it is rarely convenient to partake in good works. Occasionally, good works require something that’s easy to give, but I think that is the exception. They involve some sort of sacrifice of time, money, or effort; but can become a lifestyle, thus lessoning the difficulties as the above examples show.

Okay, I’ll confess. There once was a time when I didn’t know how to do good works without being directly tied to a ministry. Once my first child was born, all my work with ministries (which I loved) came crashing to an end. Here I was for the first time in my life (since age 3), living within the home without extrinsic motivations such as school, a job, or a ministry. None of the ministries seemed to fit this new Mommyhood lifestyle. I didn’t know what to do with myself and I longed to understand God’s purpose for my life. This was a difficult period. During that time I remember having lunch with a friend and mentioning that although I don‘t know my purpose, I do know that God gave me my husband and my daughter and so perhaps that is where I ought to start. Over the course of the next year my Grandmother became ill and passed away, I was ministered to by some women in the congregation whose actions and words were an example during that trial. They weren’t a part of a formal ministry and never stood out, so until then, I didn’t know their function within the body. Through their actions, I finally understood that good works could be done both in and out of organized ministries.

The scriptures make it clear that if we are God’s own we are commanded to do good works, but I wonder if God sometimes allows us to incubate for a time. Remember David so much wanted to build a temple for God, but God did not allow it. When I had to abandon all the ministries that I once worked with, that’s how I felt. God did allow David to start accumulating materials for the building. That’s how it was when I began turning my attention towards home. In those days I didn’t cook. I was no good at it. My mouth didn’t water when I read a recipe because spices seemed to me like a foreign language. Neither was I any good at housekeeping. I’ve never been tidy and I simply don’t like to clean. That’s a bad combo. However, I learned to be intrinsically motivated and do what needs to be done. Through the grace of God, I am more than I ever thought I could be. It wasn’t only what I learned to do though; it’s about who I’ve become. During the period that I didn’t think I was doing anything, I was becoming more like my Lord and Savior. I began the journey of leaving laziness, selfishness, and indulgence behind. This will likely be a lifelong struggle for me, but I’m on the road and I have joy in my heart. I am no longer lost and uncomfortable at home, but grateful to have learned God’s way for me.

Even if I’ve developed all kinds of skill in order to do good works, if I don’t make the time, I’ll never do them. This means that as a good steward, I will learn time-management. In order to keep our days as flexible as possible, I limit our classes. While my girls have taken some music, dance, art, etc. I try to keep our commitments to a minimum. If we have to chuck home school for a time so that we may participate in a good work, then we let it go. I have faith that God will prosper our education if He is put first. We can always make school work up another day, but opportunities lost cannot be made up. Learning is good, but Righteousness is better.

Oh yeah, stuff… I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that stuff could also be a tool for good works. What stuff to you have that might be used to benefit others? If you have so much mammon that you only have time to serve it, then it’s time to let some of it go. Otherwise, use and enjoy what you have for the glory of God.

In summary, all that I have, am, and can do, He is able to use and multiply. Please, don’t think this is an inclusive exposition; it is just my thoughts. I’d love to hear what you do to be ready.
<sup>1. Titus 3:1
2. Luke 2:373. I Sam 2:30b, Jn 12:26</sup>

Adoption Part 4: Lessons Learned

Read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

We knew it could happen this way.  We thought we were prepared for all the possibilities.  We thought we would be OK if she decided to keep the baby.  After all, it was her baby.  She had every right to change her mind at the last minute.  It didn’t matter that we’d made a huge emotional investment, not to mention a pretty substantial financial one.  She looked at her baby and she just couldn’t let go.

Needless to say we were devastated.  We had made an emotional connection with the baby.  As far as we were concerned this was our baby.  We had just lost our baby.  We have never experienced pregnancy, miscarriage or the death of a child, but for us it was like a death.  We grieved as if it were a death.  I have never before or since felt grief like I did then.  In the beginning it was physical.  I felt as if an elephant was on my chest and I literally couldn’t breathe.  I thought I would never feel normal again.  Time has certainly lessened the grief but it never completely goes away.  Even now as I write this I feel the grief coming to the surface and if I allowed myself, I could succumb to it for a few hours or even a couple of days.  I could wallow in my grief and ask, “Why me?”  I’ve certainly spent some time doing that in the past three years.

I could write a book about this and about the feelings I had and the lessons I learned.  I’m not sure why I decided to share it here on the blog, but it’s been on my mind more this year than the previous two.  I needed to write it down and reflect on it this time. Perhaps some of the lessons I learned will be helpful to someone else that may be going through a difficult experience.

I learned that I am stronger than I think.  It was hard, the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, but I survived.

I learned that my marriage is as strong as I hoped it would be in a crisis.  We survived something difficult together and came out stronger on the other side.  We never blamed each other or were angry with each other.  We relied on each other during the grief and sadness and loved each other more for it. 

I learned that my faith is as strong as I hoped it would be.  I certainly had, and sometimes still have some questions for God, but I never lost faith in Him and His power.  I know that, while I may not understand it in this life, He had a reason for putting us in this situation and working it out the way He did.  I was confused at times, but never angry at God.

The greatest lesson I learned is that God is in control.  He has a plan and His plan is always best.  A couple of things that happened during this experience really tested my faith.  The first has to do with diapers.  We knew that we would have to buy a few things in preparation for the baby.  Clothes were easy.  They were cute and fun.  Even formula was easy.  I mean, I knew the baby had to eat so I took some advice from friends and bought a small can of the recommended formula.  The diapers though.  Oh my goodness.  I would stand in front of the sea of diapers and I was just so overwhelmed.  I must’ve gone to buy diapers half a dozen times.  I never could bring myself to do it.  There were so many brands and sizes and I just didn’t know what to choose.  One day when I was praying about this I really felt that God was telling me that not buying the diapers was a lack of faith.  I was not trusting Him.  I finally got up enough courage and faith to buy a few diapers.

Another thing that really stands out to me is that after she decided to keep the baby and we had to tell the story over and over again, people would say, “Oh well, I guess that’s for the best.”  At first this made me really angry.  I thought, “How dare you say that to me?  You have no idea what this child is facing.  This woman left her child in a crack house.  She’s lost custody of one child already.  We know nothing about this baby’s father because he drifts from crack house to crack house and no one can find him.  The grandmother has been in jail because of drugs.  Another family member died trying to get off drugs.  Oh yeah, the baby is in a much better situation with her than with us.”  I knew that people meant well and didn’t really know what to say, but it was so hard for me to hear that.  I selfishly wanted the best thing to be for the baby to be with me and my husband.

I still believe that by not buying diapers I was showing a lack of faith.  I also still believe, even though I ended up not needing the diapers, that buying them was an act of faith.  And, once I came out of the ocean of grief and pain and confusion, I understood that it was best that she kept the baby.  It’s for the best because I prayed, oh how I prayed, for that baby and that mother and for me and my husband.  I prayed that God’s will would be done and that His purposes would be served in this situation.  I believe with all my heart that His will was done and that His purposes were served.

I didn’t feel that way overnight.  It has taken time and prayer and faith to be able to say that.  But, I do believe that He put us in that situation for a reason.  I still don’t completely understand.  I think, if for no other reason, God knew that she needed a prayer warrior.  I pray for the mother and that precious baby and the other children very often.  I pray that the mother has taken the opportunity to make some positive changes in her life.  I pray that the baby motivated her to do what she needed to do for herself and her family.  If her life and the lives of her children are better because she almost gave her baby away, then I’m thankful to have been part of that process.

The experience opened my heart to adoption.  It wasn’t something we ever considered before and we haven’t pursued another adoption.  However, we haven’t ruled it out either.  There are so many families out there in crisis and so many unwanted children.  If we were approached with the same situation today, even knowing the potential for heartache, we would do it all again in a minute.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Adoption Part 3: Phone Calls

Read Part 1  and Part 2.

The second time we spoke with the birth mother was a stormy night in June.  We were to call her from our home at a specific time.  Our power was out so we sat on our sofa in the dark and called her using a cell phone.  We had the best conversation with her.  We asked her a lot of questions about the adoption and how she felt about it.  She seemed to feel really great about it.  She admitted that she just felt she couldn’t take care of another child.  We spoke to her mother (at the time they were living together and the mom actually had custody of one of the older children) who also seemed very positive about us and the adoption.  We allowed both of them to ask anything they wanted of us.  Her only real request of us was that we send her photos.  We assured her that we would send her photos and that we would tell her child about her and the love that motivated her decision. 

My husband and I agreed early on in the process that we would be as open as possible with the baby about the adoption and about the birth mother.  We knew that if our child ever wanted to meet her that we would encourage that and would help in any way in finding her at that time.

By this point, she was at the very end of her pregnancy.  Physically there were signs that the baby was coming soon.  When we spoke to her on the phone she was to go to the doctor later that week.  She was to call the counselors and let them know how the appointment went.  We had spoken to her about what would happen when she went to the hospital and who she would call and how all of that would work.  We had a contact at the hospital and would be informed of the birth.  After that second phone call we knew that we would likely never speak to her again.  We would have a room in the hospital. The baby would be born and would be brought straight to us.  Unless she specifically requested to speak with us, our contact with her at that point would be only through the attorney.

Those last few days we went through each day anticipating that phone call.  We never went anywhere without our phones.  We had our home phone and our cell phones by our bedside.  Each time the phone rang we just knew it was time.

It seemed like we would wait forever.  Finally we got the call.

It wasn’t the middle of the night phone call that we had anticipated where we would hurry and pull on some clothes and grab the newly packed diaper bag and the small gift we had for the mother and rush to the hospital.  No this call was the one that we dreaded.  This was the call where we found out that she just couldn’t do it.  She could not give her baby up for adoption. 

The second time we spoke to her was on either a Monday or Tuesday evening.  She was to go to the doctor later that week.  Well, we found out that the baby was born on that Friday.  She did not contact anyone until the following Tuesday. 

To be continued ...