Thursday, May 19, 2011

Randomness

I hope there are still a few Far Above Rubies readers out there.  I can’t speak for my co-authors, but I have personally been in a season of self-reflection and self-examination.  For a variety of reasons I have simply had no words.  I’ve been thinking and meditating about a lot of things, but I’ve had some trouble putting pen to paper, or rather, my fingers to the keyboard.  Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, suddenly I had words.  Lots of words.  Unfortunately the words are a jumbled mess of randomness.  I don’t know if you can make any sense of it, but I thought I’d share anyway.  Maybe you can relate to some of it or maybe it will just help me focus my thoughts.  So, here are some things that have been on my mind the past few months:
 
  • Have you ever experienced rejection?  It really doesn’t matter how or why you are rejected.  The feelings are the same.  I’m worthless.  I’m no good.  I’m invisible.  I’m unwanted.  I’m insignificant.  Anyone ever feel that way?  I certainly have.  Well, I came across these verses in something I was reading this week.  “You whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, “You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off”; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:9-10   I am NOT worthless.  I am NOT unwanted.  I AM CHOSEN!
  • This year at my church, we have had a different theme each month.  The theme for May is “Sharing My Story.”  We’ve heard some great stories about dramatic life changes and amazing conversion experiences.  I’ve never really thought about having a “story.”  Mine is quite simple.  I was “raised in the church.”  I always knew about Jesus and I always believed in Him.  I became a Christian at the age of 19.  I don’t have a dramatic story.  My day to day life didn’t change that much.  I didn’t smoke, cuss, drink or have sex.  You know, the “big” sins.  I pretty much did what I was supposed to do.  As I have matured spiritually, though, I know that the story really has nothing to do with what I did or didn’t do.  The important part of the story is what He did for me.  Jesus died on the cross, was buried and was resurrected on the third day for my sins just as much as he did it for those with the dramatic life changing stories.  My life has changed because of that story.  Maybe not as much as some, but I am definitely changed because of Him.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
 
  •  I’ve mentioned on this blog before that I am involved in a children’s outreach ministry.  At this time of the year I become weary.  We have one more week until we get a short break for the summer.  I am exhausted.  I am worn out.  I am T.I.R.E.D.  You get the point.  I love these kids and their families.  I love being with them and teaching them about Jesus.  I did a gratitude journal with my young girls. I want to share that here sometime soon. They are so precious.  They loved listing things they are thankful for.  But, I need a break.  I need to recharge and reenergize and restore my enthusiasm for this ministry.  What makes you weary?  How do you recharge?

  •  I have a great story to tell you about one of those women.  You know the ones.    I’m anxious to share this sweet lady with you.  I’ve known her most of my life.  Some of you know her.  She has done great things for the Kingdom.  Please come back and read about her.
We all need a season of quiet reflection, but we also need a season of sharing.  I’d love to hear your random thoughts.  Please share!!

4 comments:

  1. I want to thank you for bringing Isaiah 41:9-10 to my attention. You didn't know it, but God has used you to encourage me! Tonight I will be speaking at our graduation as class salutatorian, and I am NOT a public speaker. I have wondered, "Why, God? Couldn't you have used someone else?" Yes, I sound like Moses! Normally, I cover my face and cry in front of crowds! But, I have been praying for weeks and weeks that He would give me strength and peace to glorify Him in my words. I know He is faithful and has brought me to this point for a reason. I will read these verses many times before 6 p.m. tonight. Thank you, sister.

    Also, I completely understand feeling worn out and weary. I have felt that way daily for the past two months. The main things I've found that help me personally keep going are 1.) a constant, open, honest prayer life. I know God knows my heart, but telling Him all of my sins and worries truly helps clear my heart and mind of the "junk." Also, praying for other people helps me forget my "troubles" and focus more on others! 2.) Seeing my Christian family often--and asking for their prayers! I have always been hesitant to ask people to pray for me, because I don't feel like I should bother them. I have a very blessed life and there are so many other people out there who need prayers more than I do! But, I know that my brothers and sisters want to pray for me--especially during this time. I'm about to go to college, and I'm scared! I do need their prayers. Knowing that they've been praying has been a big energizer and comfort. 3.) Reading my Bible even when I feel like doing something else. Sometimes I KNOW that I have been complacent in my walk with Jesus. That makes me feel guilty about reading God's Word, because I know He will pierce me with It if I do read it! But, I know I must read and study the Bible to be a better servant for Him. Reading His Word, even when I know it will hurt, keeps me refreshed for Him!

    I know this has been lengthy, but I have also had many random thoughts, and this has been a good opportunity to relate to someone experiencing the same. Thank you. :) God bless you!

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  2. I am just now reading this Jen, thanks for sharing.

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  3. I absolutely relate Jennifer! Randomness has become my middle name lately! I, too, have been doing a self-evaluation. I've literally thrown spiritual "temper tantrums," not knowing or understanding fully what plans God has for me.

    So glad that God is caring and patient...but make no mistake, he had to discipline me to make me see my responsibilities better.

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  4. Random thoughts you say? Oh, I'm good at those. So here we go...

    I think everyone has experienced rejection in one form or another. The scripture you quoted from Isaiah is perfect for someone feeling rejected. You know, your story and my story are very very similar. Like you said, I never really thought much about having a story to share. Not my story anyway, but of course there is THE story of Jesus. I love it when you wrote "I am changed because of Him". So true! What makes me weary? Hmmm...several things could be listed here. So I'll just skip that and share what recharges me. Hannah made a great point when she said that seeing her Christian family often helps her. That would be one thing I would list as well. Fellowship with the saints and worshipping God helps recharge a soul and body. Reading. Eating chocolate. Sleep. Exercise - well people say it helps, I'd have to try it regular to know for sure ;) Eating some more chocolate. I know I shouldn't list this as a recharger, but I'm going to be honest here - facebook. Even though I can't see and talk to a lot of my friends, I feel connected through facebook and their comments and stuff encourage me. So yeah, facebook and chocolate pretty much covers it. lol Okay, enough randomness for now.

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